by Simon Whitesman MBChB PhD
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for
In haunting, poetic and prophetic words, an unnamed Hopi Elder urges us to “not look outside ourselves for the leader”1. They invite us into an essential encounter with ourselves and how we choose to positively impact the world we inhabit, with a soul-reverberating truth: “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for”.
If we look out into the world, the vacuum of mature leadership across most sectors of society, is unmistakable. The consequences of perceiving and acting from a place of disconnection from the deeper layers of our humanness and humanity are significant and sometimes dire for all of us, and the planet that sustains us, wherever we live and whatever our circumstances or conditions.
The wise elder offers us a way through this malaise, by pointing out what is hiding in plain sight: each of us is called to lead. Who we are, how we show up and how we act in the world matters in the most immediate and urgent of ways. If we have the privilege of being able to influence a significant number of people by virtue of our position at work, then this invitation has particular relevance and potential impact.
Leading as a verb, not a noun
We contend that the way in which we develop and refine our personhood and presence is fundamental to expanding the range, depth and impact leaders can make in the world. What we are talking about here is leading, not leadership. Leading is a living, breathing, embodied, unfolding and emerging aggregate of experience. Leadership is conceptual, abstracted and often reified. These constructs of course help us frame the conversation around “leadership development”, but where the proverbial rubber meets the road is the degree to which direct experience can be affected in the direction of well-being, wisdom and compassion, that serves both the leader and those whom they lead.
Identity & identification
Our sense of self evolves from the cradle to the grave. Based on a complex interplay of genetic, epigenetic, psychosocial and cultural factors, we all develop lenses through which we see ourselves, each other and the world ‘out there’. At the centre of this is a rather convincing and compelling sense of “me”. This is the centre of gravity of our identity.
What is more or less invisible for most of us is the mechanism by and through which this happens. This is the process of identification, in which awareness and attention collapse into and congeal around a particular belief or thought about who or what I think I am. Significantly, we have agency to affect this process, to expand our identity and the quality and expression of this sense of self.
Becoming & belonging2
To recognise that we can intentionally participate in this evolution is an empowering and liberative insight. At the core of this exploration lies a paradox: we expand our identity more through letting go than through acquisition and addition.
A letting go of who we think we are invites an expanding sense of self through widening our field of awareness.
In so doing, we include more into consciousness, through noticing, allowing and accepting more aspects of ourselves. As this occurs, our perspective changes, especially on ourselves and our ways of relating.
It is analogous to climbing a mountain: the higher we go, the more our view is affected. We see things differently, and often more clearly based on the height from which we are looking. Curiously and interestingly, the things that we see don’t change; rather it’s our view which shifts. Clouds look and appear different when you are being rained on or when you are flying at 10 000 metres on an aircraft. And of course our view affects our response: I might get really grumpy that it’s raining or just marvel at the shape of the clouds and the clear, blue sky in which they appear suspended!
A trek up this mountain is our vertical development. At the same time, we need places to rest and replenish on the way up and of course to stop and appreciate the view, and all that surrounds us, what is immediate and available, at whatever height we are. This is horizontal integration. We trek upwards in our arc of maturing, becoming fuller, more expanded versions of ourselves, while finding an expanding sense of belonging where we are as we increasingly appreciate and connect with our surroundings and the people who are there with us.
Dis-identification
We can only walk up a mountain one step, and one moment, at a time. And we can develop skills and fitness to make the most of the journey, as much as the destination. On the inner path of expanding maturity, our innate capacity for embodied presence, or mindfulness, can be deliberately developed. We might have a baseline of presence – just like our baseline of fitness – but this can be further developed through training, support and wise effort. As we develop this quality of present-centered awareness of our experience as it is, the tight grip on our sense of self, who we think we are, begins to loosen. We begin to notice and observe thoughts rather than being habitually lost in, and identified, with them. This new way of seeing, or de-centering from our thinking minds without changing the content, is the process of dis-identifying.
In an increasingly digitally-dominated world, analogue capacities that are the foundation of this path are becoming increasingly vital to keep us falling off the cliff of our own hubris, and to staying close in to our humanity.
Expanding into the next wave of your becoming in a way that brings you closer to your truth, authenticity and heart in service of those whose lives you influence, is a journey worth investing in.
If you’re interested in exploring and expanding your identity as a leader more, check out this upcoming leadership immersion here.
1. “A Hopi Elder speaks” https://www.communityworks.info/hopi.htm
2. Hubl, Thomas. Attuned: Practicing Interdependence to Heal Our Trauma-and Our World” 2023. Sounds True, Boulder CO